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iGod
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Treekodar
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 Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Code: | It all started when our overrated adventurer, Radioactive Man, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling really pleased, Radioactive Man poked a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Fallout Boy. Radioactive Man had known Fallout Boy for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Fallout Boy was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... selfish. Radioactive Man called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Fallout Boy picked up to a very happy Radioactive Man. Fallout Boy calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths sneeze before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually indiscriminately belch *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Radioactive Man. Why was Fallout Boy trying to distract Radioactive Man? Because she had snuck out from Radioactive Man's with the diary only six days prior. It was a enticing little diary... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Radioactive Man got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Fallout Boy sighed. Relunctantly, Fallout Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Radioactive Man grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fallout Boy realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Radioactive Man took the deliciously practical 4-door, she had take at least six minutes before Radioactive Man would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Fallout Boy would be barely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fallout Boy was interrupted by ten dimwitted Care Bears that were lured by her diary. Fallout Boy sneezed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she thoughtfully reached for her carrot and carefully punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Radioactive Man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Radioactive Man was out of the time machine and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Fallout Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fallout Boy was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Fallout Boy was displeased but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Fallout Boy charismatically purred. With a mighty push, Radioactive Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid noble genius in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fallout Boy assured him. Radioactive Man took a seat just under where Fallout Boy had hidden the diary. Fallout Boy shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Radioactive Man was distracted. Just as zero people expected Fallout Boy noticed a insensitive look on Radioactive Man's face. Radioactive Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Fallout Boy felt a stabbing pain in her love handle when Radioactive Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Radioactive Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Radioactive Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fallout Boy could react, Radioactive Man aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Radioactive Man stared at Fallout Boy for what what must've been six minutes. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Fallout Boy groped indiscriminately in Radioactive Man's direction, clearly desperate. Radioactive Man grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fallout Boy let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Radioactive Man,' she rebuked. Fallout Boy always had been a little funny-smelling, so Radioactive Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fallout Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. As if it really mattered he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Fallout Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Radioactive Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Radioactive Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fallout Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Radioactive Man was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Radioactive Man was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Fallout Boy's place. Radioactive Man had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Radioactive Man. Already weakened from his injury, Radioactive Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
About four hours later, Radioactive Man awoke, his prostate throbbing. It was dark and Radioactive Man did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting magical cornfield, Radioactive Man was barely lost. Happy as a frickin' monkey, he remembered that his diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge Care Bear emerged from the bush. It was the alpha Care Bear. Radioactive Man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Radioactive Man's prostate. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Radioactive Man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than six miles away, Fallout Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened banana. With a skillful thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Radioactive Man... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1 |
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xXL3G10N~4~LYFEXx
Expert Cheater
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Posts: 105
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| Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Code: | It all started when our (former porn) star, the jew, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly relieved, the jew hit a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he realized that his beloved star of david was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, the nazi. the jew had known the nazi for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. the nazi was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... selfish. the jew called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
the nazi picked up to a very mad the jew. the nazi calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras cringe before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually charismatically cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting the jew. Why was the nazi trying to distract the jew? Because he had snuck out from the jew's with the star of david only five days prior. It was a striking little star of david... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before the jew got back to the subject at hand: his star of david. the nazi grimaced. Relunctantly, the nazi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the star of david. the jew grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, the nazi realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the star of david and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if the jew took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least two minutes before the jew would get there. But if he took the jewmobile? Then the nazi would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, the nazi was interrupted by eight abrasive dr. octagonapuss that were lured by his star of david. the nazi sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he skillfully reached for his potato and carefully deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the jewmobile rolling up. It was the jew.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, the jew was out of the jewmobile and went indiscriminately jaunting toward the nazi's front door. Meanwhile inside, the nazi was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the star of david into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his whale. the nazi was puzzled but at least the star of david was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' the nazi explosively purred. With a quick push, the jew opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish genocidal maniac in a tricycle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' the nazi assured him. the jew took a seat exotically proximate to where the nazi had hidden the star of david. the nazi sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But the jew was distracted. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, the nazi noticed a dimwitted look on the jew's face. the jew slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
the nazi felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when the jew asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the star of david right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on the jew's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. the jew nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before the nazi could react, the jew thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The star of david was plainly in view.
the jew stared at the nazi for what what must've been eleven hours. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, the nazi groped exotically in the jew's direction, clearly desperate. the jew grabbed the star of david and bolted for the door. It was locked. the nazi let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, the jew,' he rebuked. the nazi always had been a little stupid, so the jew knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before the nazi did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he gripped his star of david tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
the nazi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from the jew. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for the jew. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. the nazi walked over to the window and looked down. the jew was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, the jew was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind the nazi's place. the jew had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral dr. octagonapuss suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the star of david. One by one they latched on to the jew. Already weakened from his injury, the jew yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of dr. octagonapuss running off with his star of david.
But then God came down with His charismatic smile and restored the jew's star of david. Feeling worried, God smote the dr. octagonapuss for their injustice. Then He got in His homemade car and dashed away with the fortitude of half a million venomous koalas running from a big pack of disease-carrying chipmunks. the jew ran with joy when he saw this. His star of david was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in four minutes his favorite TV show, Sweet Life of Zack and Cody, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When spotted wolf hamsters meet ebola'). the jew was relieved. And so, everyone except the nazi and a few rusty razor blade-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after. |
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lamamuffin
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| Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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It all started when our protagonist, Fat Guy, woke up in a desert. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling overwhelmingly worried, Fat Guy attacked a paper clip, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Subsequently, he realized that his beloved Penis was missing! Immediately he called his friend, Fat Chick. Fat Guy had known Fat Chick for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were striking ones. Fat Chick was unique. She was congenial though sometimes a little... oafish. Fat Guy called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Fat Chick picked up to a very calm Fat Guy. Fat Chick calmly assured him that most puppies yawn before mating, yet hamsters usually sassily cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Fat Guy. Why was Fat Chick trying to distract Fat Guy? Because she had snuck out from Fat Guy's with the Penis only nine days prior. It was a sassy little Penis... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Fat Guy got back to the subject at hand: his Penis. Fat Chick cringed. Relunctantly, Fat Chick invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Penis. Fat Guy grabbed his hibachi and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fat Chick realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Penis and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Fat Guy took the Geo Metro, she had take at least seven minutes before Fat Guy would get there. But if he took the Cat? Then Fat Chick would be exceedingly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fat Chick was interrupted by nine clueless Horses that were lured by her Penis. Fat Chick sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling frustrated, she recklessly reached for her spoon and thoughtfully punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the jungle, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Cat rolling up. It was Fat Guy.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of mittens, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Fat Guy was out of the Cat and went exotically jaunting toward Fat Chick's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fat Chick was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Penis into a box of mittens and then slid the box behind her microwave. Fat Chick was worried but at least the Penis was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Fat Chick surreptitiously purred. With a hasty push, Fat Guy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish outcast in a Daewoo,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fat Chick assured him. Fat Guy took a seat nearby where Fat Chick had hidden the Penis. Fat Chick grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Fat Guy was distracted. Subsequently, Fat Chick noticed a insensitive look on Fat Guy's face. Fat Guy slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Fat Chick felt a stabbing pain in her face when Fat Guy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Penis right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Fat Guy's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's salt shakers from when she used to have pet kittens. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Fat Guy nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fat Chick could react, Fat Guy thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Penis was plainly in view.
Fat Guy stared at Fat Chick for what what must've been eight seconds. A few minutes later, Fat Chick groped charismatically in Fat Guy's direction, clearly desperate. Fat Guy grabbed the Penis and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fat Chick let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Fat Guy,' she rebuked. Fat Chick always had been a little annoying, so Fat Guy knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fat Chick did something crazy, like... start chucking spoons at her or something. Unexpectedly, he gripped his Penis tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Fat Chick looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Fat Guy. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Fat Guy. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fat Chick walked over to the window and looked down. Fat Guy was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Fat Guy was struggling to make his way through the moor behind Fat Chick's place. Fat Guy had severely hurt his back during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Horses suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Penis. One by one they latched on to Fat Guy. Already weakened from his injury, Fat Guy yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Horses running off with his Penis.
About four hours later, Fat Guy awoke, his face throbbing. It was dark and Fat Guy did not know where he was. Deep in the uninhabited swamp, Fat Guy was alarmingly lost. A few minutes later, he remembered that his Penis was taken by the Horses. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enormous Horse emerged from the thicket. It was the alpha Horse. Fat Guy opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Horse sunk its teeth into Fat Guy's foot. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Fat Guy's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, Fat Chick was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Penis. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened fork. With a skillful thrust, she buried it deeply into her arm. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Fat Guy... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Penis that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Horses, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
I lol'd
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Intercourse.
Last edited by lamamuffin on Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:34 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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:^(
Grandmaster Cheater
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| Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:32 pm Post subject: |
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tl;dr this entire thread.
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Aids
Expert Cheater
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Joined: 13 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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| ASN3S wrote: | | tl;dr this entire thread. |
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hundead
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Posts: 39
Location: ;D
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| Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Code: | iGod is a faggot
So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1 |
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iGod
Grandmaster Cheater
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Joined: 31 Jan 2009
Posts: 621
Location: Manchester, uk.
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| Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Cool story bro wrote: | | Code: | iGod is a faggot
So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!1 |
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Fail post is fail. |
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