Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 1:52 am Post subject: Persuasive Essay Assignment
"You are to choose a topic that you feel strong about and that relates to a social issue in our time and write a persuasive essay on it."
Easiest thing I could think of is religion. I'm thinking of speaking against it but I'm kinda curious on how some of you feel about it. For others on here I already have an idea but I still am curious on your personal reasons of why it could be detrimental to humanity.
Joined: 24 Nov 2009 Posts: 48 Location: California
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 2:00 am Post subject:
Not sure if there is a God but dont deny there is a greater power out there and that there are things outside of my control, I don't think it's detrimental. People use it as a way to get through hard times. Everybody uses something to get through hard times. We're all addicted to something that helps the pain, suffering, despair, all the negative emotions. Whether God, drugs, or video games. _________________
Not sure if there is a God but dont deny there is a greater power out there and that there are things outside of my control, I don't think it's detrimental. People use it as a way to get through hard times. Everybody uses something to get through hard times. We're all addicted to something that helps the pain, suffering, despair, all the negative emotions. Whether God, drugs, or video games.
Being addicted to heroin can and most likely is worse in many cases than being addicted to playing video games. There are just some things that could put you in a shittier situation than others.
Now back with religion specifically. Religion maybe a way to cope with pain and suffering in life but is it exactly the right approach to this process? I'm not perfect and I'll admit that some of the ways I cope with things in life aren't exactly the best ways to do so. But I will acknowledge that and admit it's wrong at least for me. When it comes to religion I guess some people can say if it just doesn't work for you then that's you. I understand that but what I don't understand is how religion ISN'T limiting the experiences people could encounter in life or create. I see it as an outdated form of living life. The morals and life lessons taught in the book can be easily taught in other forms than reading "holy books" itself. With that being said, I don't see why people who seem to have a reasonable mind don't just honestly abandon that book and learn these valuable lessons through other ways without limiting or constricting who they are. Theres no way I can see a religious person being truly open and honest if they feel they need to look into an outdated book instead of themselves for whats right and wrong. To look into an outdated book to tell them how to live life and what to believe in. There are doctors even in ISIS (cases of extremism) where they take care of these extremists. That is sort of a jump off topic in a way but these doctors are educated (from what the video said). I see religion going towards the ignorant about the foundation of our reality scientifically speaking or the shitty people in life and I hope the majority is ignorant to some level instead of just being shitty, and to have the answers/facts placed right in front of you for you to simply reject says something unsettling about that person imo.
A main key in reality is to keep an open mind in life, that which humans are completely capable of doing. To keep in mind that the answers aren't always there as some may think it maybe. At least in realizing this you are in a position of hunger and thirst to find more realistic/logical approaches to living a life in this time. An enjoyable one. I think religion will at best will be a waste of time in achieving that.
Last edited by Deleted User 197371 on Tue Dec 01, 2015 11:35 pm; edited 2 times in total
Life is the universe subjectively perceiving itself, the human experience as we know it. Our eyes only see portions of the light spectrum, we can't see infrared, ultraviolet, etc. This idea of a spectrum of things is applied to everything we know and understand, and religion applies itself in a way on us in the spectrum of possible ideas, regardless if the ideas are based in empirical reality or not. In the mulitverse and with superpositions, all the ideas in the bible may exist or have existed at some point because the multiverse allows for anything and everything to happen, even the idea of a singular universe produced by the god entity depicted in Bible simply because we imagined it to be. However, there is no evidence that we live in a singular universe just as much as there isn't evidence we live in the multiverse, however I have have a strong belief that we do indeed live in the multiverse. Look into string theory. _________________
That's a c paper depending on the grade. You need to use the intro to tie into a more developed thesis and then give supporting points in the body that can easy correlate to the thesis. This always gets me a B at least if I use good grammar as well. The length also seems a bit short I would suggest doing one more final revision if you want that A. _________________
I'm a young producer and rapper from Washington D.C.
I'll be honest, if I were your teacher I'd give you a D or an F.
Your essay is supposed to be persuasive, but yet I nearly fell asleep while reading it. So much bad verbiage...I'm surprised I actually read all of it to be frank.
In persuasive writing, the first sentence should start off with a hook, something to grab the readers attention. Something that will leave a great first impression for the reader when they dive into it. You have no hook, so it is soooooo boring right off the bat.
I assume this is your thesis:
Awful thesis. Never state "I'm here to...." "I believe..." in persuasive writing, especially in the thesis. The thesis also typically flows best as the last sentence of the first paragraph.
Verbal vomit like this reeks all over your essay. The wording and verbiage is awful and your whole essay needs rephrased.
A few small things that need to be fixed pronto:
-Rid the underlined title
-Gallop.com and The Unbelievers need italicization
-INDENT BRUH
-1st paragraph on second page, second to last sentence has bad capitalization
-Rid all pronouns from persuasive essays-unless it is necessary for a hook-- but by looking at your paper, none are necessary
-Extremists should not be capitalized
-Fulfilling is one word
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