i've been down strange reality tunnels and had psychotic breaks before. i know some of what you are experiencing and have experienced. you are an average human being, having an existential crisis possibly, if not one of your first schizophreic psychotic breaks because this is exactly what it sounds like you're going through
go get some help. at least then we'd shut up about it and if it doesn't help then you can talk to your doctor and if it does we will forgive you and help you
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