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Zcythe
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 Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 8:58 pm Post subject: Writing a story/book. |
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Well I have been writing a book just for fun for a while now, and some people have read it and liked it and figured I'd share it here. Now I am nervous sharing it here considering I know cheat engine is the 'nicest' site in the world (I have been to the art section  )but I figured I can handle some criticism. Just don't destroy me.  Just click prologue and start from there clicking next chapter, I only have five so far.
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=16433
So please read if you want. And just to hook you its about like infected people, Like zombies, but I try to avoid that word. it follows two kids and their journey across America to a safe place.
Also I did my best to make sure there aren't any mistakes, please point out spelling or grammar errors I know there are plenty probably.
Also the later the chapter the more it probably has more errors.
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Jorg hi
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| Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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Well because I need to get better at reading. What the heck, I'll read it.
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Zcythe
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| Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Jorg hi wrote: | | Well because I need to get better at reading. What the heck, I'll read it. |
Thank you kind sir, Please tell me what you think after a couple chapters.
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C-Dizzle
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| Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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First off, I assume that they are kids/teenagers, you should try to stick that style of speaking Use tell instead of inform.
In the first chapter you may want to try to break up the blocks of speech, I don't really like it but that may just be me.
Dont try to describe things in too much detail - 'Damien and Mike both walked slowly and casually to the person.' When I hear casually I assume it to be at a slower pace. The same applies for dialect. You seem to be describing how they are talking too much (Again, may just be me) You don't want to overdo it, especially try to avoid this on the same person EG - Marcus snarled - she said shakily - marcus said dryly. .
You should avoid the use of the word 'also' in the starts of sentences. I do it a lot but it seems kind of like a 'P.S'.
Overall it is OK, I would write it a bit different but that's probably just me. Seems like a pretty standard zombie story line (Which isn't necessarly bad).
I'd go into it much more but I don't really have the time sorry. |
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Zcythe
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| Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Dialgar wrote: | First off, I assume that they are kids/teenagers, you should try to stick that style of speaking Use tell instead of inform.
In the first chapter you may want to try to break up the blocks of speech, I don't really like it but that may just be me.
Dont try to describe things in too much detail - 'Damien and Mike both walked slowly and casually to the person.' When I hear casually I assume it to be at a slower pace. The same applies for dialect. You seem to be describing how they are talking too much (Again, may just be me) You don't want to overdo it, especially try to avoid this on the same person EG - Marcus snarled - she said shakily - marcus said dryly. .
You should avoid the use of the word 'also' in the starts of sentences. I do it a lot but it seems kind of like a 'P.S'.
Overall it is OK, I would write it a bit different but that's probably just me. Seems like a pretty standard zombie story line (Which isn't necessarly bad).
I'd go into it much more but I don't really have the time sorry. |
THank you, I can break up the wording I figured it was little bunched up. Ill try not to repeat a bunch of words and use the modifers. I didnt think i used a bunch of them though. BUt still criticism was helpful.
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killmanx27
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| Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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Pretty good story line.My feed back is describe more of the setting.Ex you could said that marcus is 13 years old blond hair with golden eyes
but other then that good story
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Will is introducing his friend to his family.He goes to uncle phil and says"ALL OF THIS IS MY UNCLE PHIL" *waving around a big circle around uncle phil
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jamie-texas
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:46 am Post subject: hi |
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If you want to do better you should be open to criticism
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AhMunRa
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:48 am Post subject: |
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Error on page
| Code: | Microsoft OLE DB Provider for ODBC Drivers error '80004005'
[MySQL][ODBC 3.51 Driver]Can't connect to MySQL server on 'MYSQL-5.netregistry.net' (10060)
/includes/inc_connect.asp, line 52 |
Seems your story killed the server, will take a look at it later. My wife is actually a published author, I do alot of her pre-reads, so I'll give you some feedback on it.
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<Wiccaan> Bah that was supposed to say 'not saying its dead' lol. Fixing >.> |
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Zcythe
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| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| AhMunRa wrote: | Error on page
| Code: | Microsoft OLE DB Provider for ODBC Drivers error '80004005'
[MySQL][ODBC 3.51 Driver]Can't connect to MySQL server on 'MYSQL-5.netregistry.net' (10060)
/includes/inc_connect.asp, line 52 |
Seems your story killed the server, will take a look at it later. My wife is actually a published author, I do alot of her pre-reads, so I'll give you some feedback on it. |
I posted this a while back, i actually am writing a different story that i am proud of more than this one, but you can read it if you like, or maybe just send you a copy of the one I'm writing now.
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