Cheat Engine

Aviar³ · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:07 pm Post subject: Well I need feedback

I havent written a piece of fiction in two years so I could use some feedback on a small piece of writing recommending how I can improve.

http://topwritings.com/writing.php?id=34&name=A%20Start

AlbinoSasquatch · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:09 pm Post subject:

The hook isn't strong enough.

Aviar³ · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:10 pm Post subject:

No hook yet, simply intro. I was testing site features and seeing how the user interface runs on the site. Im planning on expanding that to an actual first chapter some time later. Anyways, how do you recommend I improve it?

AlbinoSasquatch · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:15 pm Post subject:

Sounds like a story having to do with how powerfull greed can be.

A little improvement wouldn't hurt.

Also, you spelled being wrong ;D

Aviar³ · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject:

No, its the power of a man with a dream when he shows utter dedication to his cause.

AlbinoSasquatch · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:21 pm Post subject:

Aviar³ · Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:22 pm Post subject:

Sounds like I have to organize my thoughs ;--; It is going to be hell of long since Im known for detail.