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Can someone give this a quik look

 
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PunkMilitia
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

here ya go: a fixed one:

Summary
This book is about a Hobbit, named Bilbo Baggins. He’s a calm, peaceful Hobbit who never goes on an adventure. Till one day Gandalf, the wise wizard, and twelve dwarfs, knocked on his door. They took him on an adventure to take back the dwarfs gold, which was stolen a long time ago by a dragon named Smaug who lived in the Lonely Mountains, far from Bilbo’s house.
To get to the gold they had to travel a very great distance. They had to go through The Misty Mountains, mountains filled with goblins and other creatures, over a magical river, who falls in this river will immediately fell asleep and will probably drown, through Mirkwood, where they had to fight against huge spiders and Wood Elves and where they had to travel a long way through an ice cold river, while they were packed in barrels. The little Hobbit survived all this thanks to a magical ring, which could make him invisible, that he “stole” in the Misty Mountains from Gollum, a creature who was captured by the power of the pie. After all this they had secks to prepare themselves for the fight against Smaug.
The battle against him took a few days. Eventually a brave man, named Bard, killed the dragon by shooting an arrow through the dragons unprotected left chest(the rest of the dragons body was covered in diamonds and emeralds).
The Hobbit and his company of dwarfs (Gandalf left them before they entered Mirkwood) thought it was all over. But they weren’t the only ones who know about the treasure. The Wood Elves, Men and goblins came to the Lonely Mountains.
This lead into a great battle, where the Elves, Men and Dwarfs fought together against the goblins and wargs (sort of wolves but bigger and stronger). The side of our main characters won thanks to the Eagles who helped when they almost lost the battle.
Three of the dwarfs were killed in the battle.
After all this Bilbo returned to his home where he lived happily ever after.
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Steve03416634
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
wargs (sort of wolves but bigger and stronger).


This doesn't sound that good... rephrase this if you can.

The end seems cut off, where's the plot?!

Grammar is correct as far as I've seen.
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PunkMilitia
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Location: South England.

PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 10:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

iknickdv wrote:
Godfromdfo wrote:
here ya go: a fixed one:


did u just copy?


and ty cookie Very Happy


no, read it carfully. I fixed a few words.
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