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life is hard...
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Nirojan
How do I cheat?
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

damn bro just saw this now but respect bro seems like just the other day we were playing moople and everything was good and and and i im ive had my own deal of trifling thots and drug abuse recently toobut on a much smaller scale
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yo i b 22 tryna make it in dis rap game but da steetz dont got luv for no wun na mean so im out hea tryna holla at da fams on dis innernet shit u no way i sayin
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Aniblaze
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

TheIndianGuy wrote:
this past 6 weeks have been the hardest of my entire life. my ex girlfriend of 5 years who i share an 18 month old son threw away a beautiful relationship and 3 years of sobriety by cheating on me and using heroin and meth with this guy for a few months before finally kicking me out and moving him in. she still won't admit it and claims she's sober. on thursday she ran away with her new boyfriend essentially abandoning our son with her mother saying she does not want to raise him and rather use drugs after 3 years of sobriety. when she was sober she was the greatest mother and girlfriend a guy could ask for.

now her mind has been so warped by the drugs that she's choosing to destroy it and it makes absolutely no sense. i care about her so much and it's so hard to see her go through this. i wouldn't take her back after what she's done to me but i just hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to raise her son. he didn't do anything to deserve this. life is so unfair.

it was so heart breaking going over there. everyone was sad about the situation, we bbq'd burgers, corn on the cob, and made baked potatos. then my ex's aunt came over with her 10 year old son with her 10 year old son who loves me and looks up to me. he gave me a huge hug and asked me "why did x have to leave?" and you could hear the pain and sadness in his voice. it fucking killed me. lit off some really good fireworks. i got to bathe my son, take him out front to watch the fireworks (which he loved!), put him in his pajamas and put him to bed. he fell asleep on the bed cuddling up to me and would not let me leave his side the whole day. it was both beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.

i've been homeless the past 6 weeks since she kicked me out and moved him in. she wouldn't allow me to see my son, when i did her boyfriend would try to start physical fights with me. i got a job right when she kicked me out so i spent a month working at his family gear and broach shop while sleeping outside to save up for a months rent which i did and gave to my mom for safe keeping. now i'm just trying to find a place to move into. and have been working odd jobs here and there to make extra money to keep building on what i currently have until i get a stable job.

this is the first time in my life that i've felt this hurt and not wanted to use heroin or meth over it. i don't want to get back together with her after what she did to me, but hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to be with her son.

ive been so stressed out over all this i had a psychotic break and was 51-50'd and am now on anti-psychotics and am feeling more normal than i've felt in the last 7-8 years. i feel this past 7-8 years i've been walking on this tightrope that is sanity and as the years progressed and it became harder and harder to balance. in the hospital i thought some nurses and horns and were trying to poison me with the medication so i would pretend to take theirs and the nurses with the halos i felt safe taking their meds. they got me on the right anti-psychotic and it's helping tremendously but with all this stress and worry i haven't been able to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and can hardly eat.

i feel i came so close to crossing that border of insanity that once you cross you get so lost mentally you never find your way back and it was honestly the most scary experience of my life. i'm in so much pain right now but mentally doing so much better with the anti-psychotics. i just don't understand why this had to happen...

once i am stable again and in a position to raise my son i will take him and give him the life he deserves. i just wish it didn't happen this way. i can barely handle the pain, but this is the first time i've not wanted o use meth or heroin over it to numb myself. instead i'm taking action and doing everything in my power to get my life back on track and be the best father i can be.

It's been around two months since you posted this, so I hope all goes well. I don't really visit this forum anymore, except from the occassional misclick because it's still in my bookmarks. I wish you and your since all the best, and if you have an update on your current situation, please let us know.

greatsage wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
that's not what i meant. i mean i am on actual anti-psychotics. they stay in your system about 9-12 hours. so i just skipped my nightly dose then tripped the next day. but you have an evil heart and come from a place of malicious intent. i removed you from my life for a reason. i will no longer be responding


what'd i do this time

do u want me to show chat logs of me stopping you when you're cutting your arm hundreds of times and trying to kill yourself?
my bad for checking in on you lol?

you literally were never my friend, regardless of how much i support you Smile
don't pretend you can look into anyone's heart, bud. you literally steal from people. and laugh about it. me included. only God can look into anyone's heart.

Everything you say sounds like a form of verbal/emotional abuse. It's like asking a favor from the mafia or devil.
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konr
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 27, 2017 2:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aniblaze wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
this past 6 weeks have been the hardest of my entire life. my ex girlfriend of 5 years who i share an 18 month old son threw away a beautiful relationship and 3 years of sobriety by cheating on me and using heroin and meth with this guy for a few months before finally kicking me out and moving him in. she still won't admit it and claims she's sober. on thursday she ran away with her new boyfriend essentially abandoning our son with her mother saying she does not want to raise him and rather use drugs after 3 years of sobriety. when she was sober she was the greatest mother and girlfriend a guy could ask for.

now her mind has been so warped by the drugs that she's choosing to destroy it and it makes absolutely no sense. i care about her so much and it's so hard to see her go through this. i wouldn't take her back after what she's done to me but i just hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to raise her son. he didn't do anything to deserve this. life is so unfair.

it was so heart breaking going over there. everyone was sad about the situation, we bbq'd burgers, corn on the cob, and made baked potatos. then my ex's aunt came over with her 10 year old son with her 10 year old son who loves me and looks up to me. he gave me a huge hug and asked me "why did x have to leave?" and you could hear the pain and sadness in his voice. it fucking killed me. lit off some really good fireworks. i got to bathe my son, take him out front to watch the fireworks (which he loved!), put him in his pajamas and put him to bed. he fell asleep on the bed cuddling up to me and would not let me leave his side the whole day. it was both beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.

i've been homeless the past 6 weeks since she kicked me out and moved him in. she wouldn't allow me to see my son, when i did her boyfriend would try to start physical fights with me. i got a job right when she kicked me out so i spent a month working at his family gear and broach shop while sleeping outside to save up for a months rent which i did and gave to my mom for safe keeping. now i'm just trying to find a place to move into. and have been working odd jobs here and there to make extra money to keep building on what i currently have until i get a stable job.

this is the first time in my life that i've felt this hurt and not wanted to use heroin or meth over it. i don't want to get back together with her after what she did to me, but hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to be with her son.

ive been so stressed out over all this i had a psychotic break and was 51-50'd and am now on anti-psychotics and am feeling more normal than i've felt in the last 7-8 years. i feel this past 7-8 years i've been walking on this tightrope that is sanity and as the years progressed and it became harder and harder to balance. in the hospital i thought some nurses and horns and were trying to poison me with the medication so i would pretend to take theirs and the nurses with the halos i felt safe taking their meds. they got me on the right anti-psychotic and it's helping tremendously but with all this stress and worry i haven't been able to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and can hardly eat.

i feel i came so close to crossing that border of insanity that once you cross you get so lost mentally you never find your way back and it was honestly the most scary experience of my life. i'm in so much pain right now but mentally doing so much better with the anti-psychotics. i just don't understand why this had to happen...

once i am stable again and in a position to raise my son i will take him and give him the life he deserves. i just wish it didn't happen this way. i can barely handle the pain, but this is the first time i've not wanted o use meth or heroin over it to numb myself. instead i'm taking action and doing everything in my power to get my life back on track and be the best father i can be.

It's been around two months since you posted this, so I hope all goes well. I don't really visit this forum anymore, except from the occassional misclick because it's still in my bookmarks. I wish you and your since all the best, and if you have an update on your current situation, please let us know.

greatsage wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
that's not what i meant. i mean i am on actual anti-psychotics. they stay in your system about 9-12 hours. so i just skipped my nightly dose then tripped the next day. but you have an evil heart and come from a place of malicious intent. i removed you from my life for a reason. i will no longer be responding


what'd i do this time

do u want me to show chat logs of me stopping you when you're cutting your arm hundreds of times and trying to kill yourself?
my bad for checking in on you lol?

you literally were never my friend, regardless of how much i support you Smile
don't pretend you can look into anyone's heart, bud. you literally steal from people. and laugh about it. me included. only God can look into anyone's heart.

Everything you say sounds like a form of verbal/emotional abuse. It's like asking a favor from the mafia or devil.
He is a sociopath
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Treekodar
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 1:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have a son? What.
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Brolock
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

dustin update: hes back out of psyche ward
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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unfortunately over the next few months it had to get worse before getting better. I continued to dive deeper into insanity. I was convinced I had become a cyborg which was influenced by the job I held working with giant machines (at a gear and broach shop), the media I was watching, the material I was learning for personal knowledge, a numbing of emotions, a disgust for humans and society as a whole and other factors. The result became a dissociation from reality and recreating a new one I was more comfortable with in which I no longer required sleep food rest sexual release or human relationships. I viewed these things as vices that held me back and made me weak. However while my mind was capable of doing all these things and more my physical body could not keep up. I began to become obsessed with any and all electronics began collecting wires and cables and wrapping them around my body coming out of pockets and just all over along with another collection of them in my backpack which i switched out at different times for different reasons. I was obsessing over the mathematics of everything. It started with seeing the geometry of every object which was overwhelming. Then I'd look at curved objects and see the calculus of every object. I attempted to create a new math more accurate than calculus. I began to believe I could travel at will between the first second third fourth and fifth dimensions with the rationalization that all these realities are here despite not being visible to other humans but very apparent to me. I used this newfound space in the 4th and 5th dimensions to not only open up a ridiculously large amount of space in my brain to extend my knowledge and try to suck up and learn everything and anything like some sort of artificial intelligence. I created new letters to represent the 4th and 5th dimension like the x y and z axis represent the 3 dimensions in math. I also became able to control time moving it forwards and backwards at will by rewinding and fast forwarding my brain (which was made of gears) like a cassette tape.

While in my psychosis I did a lot of writing, self reflection, and analysis of the world around me simply because I was undergoing a heavy amount of confusion and had a lot of questions which needed answers. My sense of reality was pretty intact when i last spoke to you guys relative to the progression of my temporary (?) mental state.

Through writing out [in full sentences], disecting, completing and further expanding on the thoughts which ran through my head coupled with dissociating from my physical body to look within myself from a 3rd party perspperspective, I was able to get the answers needed which i initially struggled to wrap my brain around.

Now I understand why things turned out the way they did, why she made the decision she made and the role of every single individual involved which influenced and led up to her decision including the role that i played. As a result I am now able to accept and move on without holding onto guilt shame regret or sadness but rather come out a stronger man by learning from this experience instead of dwelling on it. I no longer hold a resentment.

My son is currently in a safe environment thankfully and I am slowly returning to reality with a newfound gift of being able to see the positive in any situation, an ability to function at a higher level, outside of the box thinking, more openmindedness than ever before, the ability to be me without caring what others think, being able to see through peoples fronts for what is really going on within with incredible accuracy often completing people's thoughts in my head before they even say it, no longer feeling fear, and tons of insight into my life and the lives of others allowing me to relate to human beings and our similarities. However, I'm still working on understanding and in a sense defining emotions of others based off body language and other ques.

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HackOtaku
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2017 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I recommend you read a book called slaughterhouse 5. There is an alien race that lives in four dimensional space, and the book starts off with you learning the main character has become unstuck in time
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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HackOtaku wrote:
I recommend you read a book called slaughterhouse 5. There is an alien race that lives in four dimensional space, and the book starts off with you learning the main character has become unstuck in time


Sounds perfect. Currently reading the alchemist so I'll start that next. Thank you for the recommendation.

I just have to be careful cuz I'm still trying to do a million things at once. My brain can keep up but my body cannot. I keep being told to slow down but gotta go fast.

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Brolock
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 12:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TheIndianGuy wrote:
HackOtaku wrote:
I recommend you read a book called slaughterhouse 5. There is an alien race that lives in four dimensional space, and the book starts off with you learning the main character has become unstuck in time


Sounds perfect. Currently reading the alchemist so I'll start that next. Thank you for the recommendation.

I just have to be careful cuz I'm still trying to do a million things at once. My brain can keep up but my body cannot. I keep being told to slow down but gotta go fast.
i like being busy. im going to be busy like 14-15 hours a day (wake up 10, get ready & eat, go to school, get home, eat, homework till 11 or 12, then ready for bed) it helps me stay focused on shit, and it feels nic to have a long list of shit to do and completing it.

the only shit thing right now is i feel really fucking tired/unmotivated which i normally don't but that may be because i shifted my sleeping schedule by an hour (earlier) and am no longer consuming caffeine. if i dont keep up my typical determination and motivation i will get overwhelmed in my classes.
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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree that staying busy with productive and beneficial endeavours is generally perceived as a positive. However, I tend to take things to the extreme til the wheels fall off, have too much on my plate to keep up with, get overwhelmed and stressed then burn out. I end up being so busy that I'm only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night.
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Brolock
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TheIndianGuy wrote:
I agree that staying busy with productive and beneficial endeavours is generally perceived as a positive. However, I tend to take things to the extreme til the wheels fall off, have too much on my plate to keep up with, get overwhelmed and stressed then burn out. I end up being so busy that I'm only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night.
yea, its really important to keep your sleep normal, and give yourself a couple hours a day to forget about everything and relax. if you cant give your brain downtime to process everything then you will get burned out.
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Nirojan
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

damn son that shit crazy, absolutely nutters
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yo i b 22 tryna make it in dis rap game but da steetz dont got luv for no wun na mean so im out hea tryna holla at da fams on dis innernet shit u no way i sayin
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