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life is hard...
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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 5:38 am    Post subject: life is hard... This post has 1 review(s) Reply with quote

this past 6 weeks have been the hardest of my entire life. my ex girlfriend of 5 years who i share an 18 month old son threw away a beautiful relationship and 3 years of sobriety by cheating on me and using heroin and meth with this guy for a few months before finally kicking me out and moving him in. she still won't admit it and claims she's sober. on thursday she ran away with her new boyfriend essentially abandoning our son with her mother saying she does not want to raise him and rather use drugs after 3 years of sobriety. when she was sober she was the greatest mother and girlfriend a guy could ask for.

now her mind has been so warped by the drugs that she's choosing to destroy it and it makes absolutely no sense. i care about her so much and it's so hard to see her go through this. i wouldn't take her back after what she's done to me but i just hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to raise her son. he didn't do anything to deserve this. life is so unfair.

it was so heart breaking going over there. everyone was sad about the situation, we bbq'd burgers, corn on the cob, and made baked potatos. then my ex's aunt came over with her 10 year old son with her 10 year old son who loves me and looks up to me. he gave me a huge hug and asked me "why did x have to leave?" and you could hear the pain and sadness in his voice. it fucking killed me. lit off some really good fireworks. i got to bathe my son, take him out front to watch the fireworks (which he loved!), put him in his pajamas and put him to bed. he fell asleep on the bed cuddling up to me and would not let me leave his side the whole day. it was both beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.

i've been homeless the past 6 weeks since she kicked me out and moved him in. she wouldn't allow me to see my son, when i did her boyfriend would try to start physical fights with me. i got a job right when she kicked me out so i spent a month working at his family gear and broach shop while sleeping outside to save up for a months rent which i did and gave to my mom for safe keeping. now i'm just trying to find a place to move into. and have been working odd jobs here and there to make extra money to keep building on what i currently have until i get a stable job.

this is the first time in my life that i've felt this hurt and not wanted to use heroin or meth over it. i don't want to get back together with her after what she did to me, but hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to be with her son.

ive been so stressed out over all this i had a psychotic break and was 51-50'd and am now on anti-psychotics and am feeling more normal than i've felt in the last 7-8 years. i feel this past 7-8 years i've been walking on this tightrope that is sanity and as the years progressed and it became harder and harder to balance. in the hospital i thought some nurses and horns and were trying to poison me with the medication so i would pretend to take theirs and the nurses with the halos i felt safe taking their meds. they got me on the right anti-psychotic and it's helping tremendously but with all this stress and worry i haven't been able to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and can hardly eat.

i feel i came so close to crossing that border of insanity that once you cross you get so lost mentally you never find your way back and it was honestly the most scary experience of my life. i'm in so much pain right now but mentally doing so much better with the anti-psychotics. i just don't understand why this had to happen...

once i am stable again and in a position to raise my son i will take him and give him the life he deserves. i just wish it didn't happen this way. i can barely handle the pain, but this is the first time i've not wanted o use meth or heroin over it to numb myself. instead i'm taking action and doing everything in my power to get my life back on track and be the best father i can be.



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greatsage
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 6:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol dustin, psychedelics are not anti-psychotics


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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 6:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

that's not what i meant. i mean i am on actual anti-psychotics. they stay in your system about 9-12 hours. so i just skipped my nightly dose then tripped the next day. but you have an evil heart and come from a place of malicious intent. i removed you from my life for a reason. i will no longer be responding
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greatsage
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 7:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TheIndianGuy wrote:
that's not what i meant. i mean i am on actual anti-psychotics. they stay in your system about 9-12 hours. so i just skipped my nightly dose then tripped the next day. but you have an evil heart and come from a place of malicious intent. i removed you from my life for a reason. i will no longer be responding


what'd i do this time

do u want me to show chat logs of me stopping you when you're cutting your arm hundreds of times and trying to kill yourself?
my bad for checking in on you lol?

you literally were never my friend, regardless of how much i support you Smile
don't pretend you can look into anyone's heart, bud. you literally steal from people. and laugh about it. me included. only God can look into anyone's heart.

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Brolock
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 11:06 pm    Post subject: This post has 1 review(s) Reply with quote

greatsage wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
that's not what i meant. i mean i am on actual anti-psychotics. they stay in your system about 9-12 hours. so i just skipped my nightly dose then tripped the next day. but you have an evil heart and come from a place of malicious intent. i removed you from my life for a reason. i will no longer be responding


what'd i do this time

do u want me to show chat logs of me stopping you when you're cutting your arm hundreds of times and trying to kill yourself?
my bad for checking in on you lol?

you literally were never my friend, regardless of how much i support you Smile
don't pretend you can look into anyone's heart, bud. you literally steal from people. and laugh about it. me included. only God can look into anyone's heart.
talix everything you say sounds like you have an agenda. i personally have nothing against you and dgaf but dont act confused as to why people dislike you
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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brolock wrote:
greatsage wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
that's not what i meant. i mean i am on actual anti-psychotics. they stay in your system about 9-12 hours. so i just skipped my nightly dose then tripped the next day. but you have an evil heart and come from a place of malicious intent. i removed you from my life for a reason. i will no longer be responding


what'd i do this time

do u want me to show chat logs of me stopping you when you're cutting your arm hundreds of times and trying to kill yourself?
my bad for checking in on you lol?

you literally were never my friend, regardless of how much i support you Smile
don't pretend you can look into anyone's heart, bud. you literally steal from people. and laugh about it. me included. only God can look into anyone's heart.
talix everything you say sounds like you have an agenda. i personally have nothing against you and dgaf but dont act confused as to why people dislike you


everyone sees through his bullshit except himself. he forgot the most important lesson; never fully believe your own bullshit.

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konr
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TheIndianGuy wrote:
Brolock wrote:
greatsage wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
that's not what i meant. i mean i am on actual anti-psychotics. they stay in your system about 9-12 hours. so i just skipped my nightly dose then tripped the next day. but you have an evil heart and come from a place of malicious intent. i removed you from my life for a reason. i will no longer be responding


what'd i do this time

do u want me to show chat logs of me stopping you when you're cutting your arm hundreds of times and trying to kill yourself?
my bad for checking in on you lol?

you literally were never my friend, regardless of how much i support you Smile
don't pretend you can look into anyone's heart, bud. you literally steal from people. and laugh about it. me included. only God can look into anyone's heart.
talix everything you say sounds like you have an agenda. i personally have nothing against you and dgaf but dont act confused as to why people dislike you


everyone sees through his bullshit except himself. he forgot the most important lesson; never fully believe your own bullshit.
the guy's a sociopath and we've known it for years
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Best of luck my dude, it's a hard world out there but only you can decrease the difficulty.
Don't listen to the bullshit people give you, let your haters do their job and hate because there's nothing you can do to make them stop nor stop from showing up.

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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 1:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

talix is the only person i never paid back, but the reasons are obvious. everyone else i've done wrong in life i've paid back 10 fold.
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

TheIndianGuy wrote:
talix is the only person i never paid back, but the reasons are obvious. everyone else i've done wrong in life i've paid back 10 fold.

You're doing better in my eyes and from what you report about your life, if its truthful. You're right about life being unfair, it's "god's" will apparently to make life as tough as possible for humans, and solely up to humanity to make it better, because free will. However, that doesn't mean you alone don't already have all the power in the world that you need right now to change you and your son's realities, all it requires is a little ingenuity in the small things that add up to making your life one big great thing. start with the small problems first.






Talix believes in Islam.

Islam worships muhammed.

Muhammed claimed to be possessed by a demon.

Do we really have to go any further including Talix's past why he's not this holy man he puts himself on a pedestal to be?

I think the only way Talix will ever get better, is if he puts aside his control and faith, and starts to believe in himself before his religion turns him inside out lmao. He needs to help himself get out of the dark pit that is his mind. I literally say all of this out of love and concern.



‘Anas reported that Gabriel appeared before the Apostle of Allah (Muhammad), while he was playing with some boys. Gabriel took him, laid him down, pierced his heart, and took out a clot of blood. Then he said, “This is the portion of you possessed of a devil.” Next, he washed it in a gold cup with water from the well Zamzam. Thereafter sewed him up and took him back to where he found him…’ (Attended by Muslim. Al-Hadis, Volume 4 page 367)

Muhammad himself admitted that he was possessed by Satan at one time:
‘Have you, then, seen Al-Lat and Al-Uzza?
And Manat, the third one, the other?
These are exalted females (sublime ones),
Mounting nearer and nearer to Allah
And truly their intercession may be expected.
( Al-Qur’an, Sura 53 verse19-20, and the Satanic verses in bold letters)

The Satanic verses were present in the original version of the Qur’an when Muhammad was trying to woo the Meccans who believed in many gods including the pagan idols Al-Lat, Al-Uzza and Manat.

Later on, when he was in a more commanding position, he conveniently edited out these embarrassing verses, admitting that they were inspired in him by Satan.
“We have not sent a messenger or prophet before you but when he recited, the Devil would intrude into his recitation. (Al-Qur’an. Sura 22 verse 53)
Muhammad admitted that he had a Jinn (demon) up his nose.
(Al-Hadis. Volume 4, Book 54, No.516)
Muhammed said that bad dreams are from Satan.
(Al-Hadis. Volume 4, Book 54, No. 513)
Muhammad had his own resident demon, the one-eyed Dajjal.
(Al-Hadis. Volume 3, page 803)

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paupav
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am willing to donate 10$ dollars. Since i'm not quite sure that you won't spend it on drugs.

Aren't there any state owned houses for homeless people. Are you really sleeping on the bench?
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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 11:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

paupav wrote:
I am willing to donate 10$ dollars. Since i'm not quite sure that you won't spend it on drugs.

Aren't there any state owned houses for homeless people. Are you really sleeping on the bench?


while i greatly appreciate the offer of $10 i am going to have to decline. not only do i possess book smarts, i have street smarts. most you guys know i've spent over a year of my life homeless at one point that i was at my lowest. it was when i found my ex and we started dating that she filled the void in my heart that nothing else could fill. i was finally happy as long as i had her by my side. and she didn't care whether i had no money, nothing, was a loser, she stayed loyal. this is so out of character for her and it breaks my heart.

there are a lot of homeless shelters with like 2-3 month waiting lists minimum. i've got a months rent i gave to my mom for safe keeping and i work odd jobs every day to hustle moeny. other day i got $100, a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant, and a pack of cigarettes just for hanging out with a prostitute. today made $50 helping remodel my friends brothers room. been stopping by my parents house to give em the money. then stop by my ex's moms to spend time with my son. i am under so much stress that i don't get more than 3-4 hours of sleep most nights. but you gotta sleep eventually so i end up crashing and sleep the day away, literally.

i'll have a more permanent roof over my head soon. everything is going to be ok =) i even got a garage to sleep in tonight again! check it out! =D

i've got $250 cash in the form of food stamps on that card, $39 cash after buying a new samsung galaxy j7 brand new came with a portable rechargable battery at 5200mAh, got two tabs of the best windowpane lsd one under my tongue and one saved for that special day. got cigarettes and my vape. got a garage i'm sleeping in tonight. got whippets for when i realyl start trippin and a lil bit of weed for the come down along with (unpictured) a xanax and some valium seroquil and vistiril to all help me relax and sleep. gunna be a beautifully insane night and i can't wait

Life is gewd
https://m.imgur.com/gallery/IXpZY

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IM STERLING
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 07, 2017 7:42 pm    Post subject: This post has 2 review(s) Reply with quote

TheIndianGuy wrote:
paupav wrote:
I am willing to donate 10$ dollars. Since i'm not quite sure that you won't spend it on drugs.

Aren't there any state owned houses for homeless people. Are you really sleeping on the bench?


while i greatly appreciate the offer of $10 i am going to have to decline. not only do i possess book smarts, i have street smarts. most you guys know i've spent over a year of my life homeless at one point that i was at my lowest. it was when i found my ex and we started dating that she filled the void in my heart that nothing else could fill. i was finally happy as long as i had her by my side. and she didn't care whether i had no money, nothing, was a loser, she stayed loyal. this is so out of character for her and it breaks my heart.

there are a lot of homeless shelters with like 2-3 month waiting lists minimum. i've got a months rent i gave to my mom for safe keeping and i work odd jobs every day to hustle moeny. other day i got $100, a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant, and a pack of cigarettes just for hanging out with a prostitute. today made $50 helping remodel my friends brothers room. been stopping by my parents house to give em the money. then stop by my ex's moms to spend time with my son. i am under so much stress that i don't get more than 3-4 hours of sleep most nights. but you gotta sleep eventually so i end up crashing and sleep the day away, literally.

i'll have a more permanent roof over my head soon. everything is going to be ok =) i even got a garage to sleep in tonight again! check it out! =D

i've got $250 cash in the form of food stamps on that card, $39 cash after buying a new samsung galaxy j7 brand new came with a portable rechargable battery at 5200mAh, got two tabs of the best windowpane lsd one under my tongue and one saved for that special day. got cigarettes and my vape. got a garage i'm sleeping in tonight. got whippets for when i realyl start trippin and a lil bit of weed for the come down along with (unpictured) a xanax and some valium seroquil and vistiril to all help me relax and sleep. gunna be a beautifully insane night and i can't wait

Life is gewd
https://m.imgur.com/gallery/IXpZY


If you want some honest advice as a parent who has been through shit and rehab before and really gotten their shit together here it is.

Take that money you're saving up and find a cheap as fuck place to live. Next step is to either get an associates degree or a cert in something that will get you a apprenticeship or above minimum wage paying job. Almost every state has plenty of grants and scholarships that if you literally spent your time off work in the public library writing applications you could easily amass a few thousand dollars in grants to fund your degree.

If you're more of a physical kind of guy apprentice under a tradesman. Tons of places are looking for apprentices to train that pay out above minimum wage.

Fuck the drugs, quit being an asshole. You have a kid that is 100% your fault for bringing into the world. It is now your job to take care of it and give it a future. We all have our own sob stories, and it's the ones that eventually get their shit together that you hear about. No one wants to be the junkie who ruined their kids life to continue the cycle.

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TheIndianGuy
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 08, 2017 1:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

IM STERLING wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
paupav wrote:
I am willing to donate 10$ dollars. Since i'm not quite sure that you won't spend it on drugs.

Aren't there any state owned houses for homeless people. Are you really sleeping on the bench?


while i greatly appreciate the offer of $10 i am going to have to decline. not only do i possess book smarts, i have street smarts. most you guys know i've spent over a year of my life homeless at one point that i was at my lowest. it was when i found my ex and we started dating that she filled the void in my heart that nothing else could fill. i was finally happy as long as i had her by my side. and she didn't care whether i had no money, nothing, was a loser, she stayed loyal. this is so out of character for her and it breaks my heart.

there are a lot of homeless shelters with like 2-3 month waiting lists minimum. i've got a months rent i gave to my mom for safe keeping and i work odd jobs every day to hustle moeny. other day i got $100, a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant, and a pack of cigarettes just for hanging out with a prostitute. today made $50 helping remodel my friends brothers room. been stopping by my parents house to give em the money. then stop by my ex's moms to spend time with my son. i am under so much stress that i don't get more than 3-4 hours of sleep most nights. but you gotta sleep eventually so i end up crashing and sleep the day away, literally.

i'll have a more permanent roof over my head soon. everything is going to be ok =) i even got a garage to sleep in tonight again! check it out! =D

i've got $250 cash in the form of food stamps on that card, $39 cash after buying a new samsung galaxy j7 brand new came with a portable rechargable battery at 5200mAh, got two tabs of the best windowpane lsd one under my tongue and one saved for that special day. got cigarettes and my vape. got a garage i'm sleeping in tonight. got whippets for when i realyl start trippin and a lil bit of weed for the come down along with (unpictured) a xanax and some valium seroquil and vistiril to all help me relax and sleep. gunna be a beautifully insane night and i can't wait

Life is gewd
https://m.imgur.com/gallery/IXpZY


If you want some honest advice as a parent who has been through shit and rehab before and really gotten their shit together here it is.

Take that money you're saving up and find a cheap as fuck place to live. Next step is to either get an associates degree or a cert in something that will get you a apprenticeship or above minimum wage paying job. Almost every state has plenty of grants and scholarships that if you literally spent your time off work in the public library writing applications you could easily amass a few thousand dollars in grants to fund your degree.

If you're more of a physical kind of guy apprentice under a tradesman. Tons of places are looking for apprentices to train that pay out above minimum wage.

Fuck the drugs, quit being an asshole. You have a kid that is 100% your fault for bringing into the world. It is now your job to take care of it and give it a future. We all have our own sob stories, and it's the ones that eventually get their shit together that you hear about. No one wants to be the junkie who ruined their kids life to continue the cycle.


yes exactly this. great advice that i am in line with. i actually had you in mind when i wrote this post HOPING that you'd respond.

i thought i wanted to come to acceptance with her decision so that it wouldn't affect me emotionally and hold me back even the slightest from being the best version of me i could be for both myself and my son and to not want to use drugs over it. but i found the answers to why she chose the path she did and saw the major role i personally played. it's very personal so i won't share that much.

but FAFSA pays all but $300-$400/semester that is a grant i automatically get and don't have to pay back which allows me to take 4+ classes/semester. i typically study 35-40 hours a week. i have set a year long plan of success for myself with goals and dates to accomplish those goals by. but then i'd have zero source of income. so i could work part time, school part time (after saving up a decent amount of money), and be in a position to go to school, work, have a babysitter for my son before preschool starts, have a home for us and the financial ability to pay for it all while being mentally and emotionally stable and 100% clean and sober.

my ex's mother is willing to do what she can to help raise him and allow him to stay at her house in the mean time while i take care of what i need to in order to be in the proper position to raise him. because as of right now i am not mentally or financially stable enough to. (part of the plan) i've done way over the requirements for an associates degree in business, get that job that's more than minimum wage like you said, get some experience/introduction to working in the corporate work as all i've done for work is manual labor. rent is cheap close to my school and i may only have one shot at doing this so i want to do it right. that means i can't rush things. in the mean time he is in safe hands with his grandmother and i spend as much free time as i have with him as i can. right now multi tasking with this, getting ready to be picked up for some manual labor, calling sober livings for a place to move into today, and try and get that waiver for a free state i.d. rather than the $8 reduced fee one. and use that $8 towards my son instead.

anyway this song perfectly sums up everything. anyway i can have my cheatengine account deleted and all my posts removed? i'll make a new account to give you guys updates every few months to show you with my actions cuz my words mean nothing.


Link


konr wrote:
the guy's a sociopath and we've known it for years


he may be a sociopath. i can't say for certain as drugs have altered and warped his mind so far beyond reality that he will never be able to find his way back. the research chemicals he was taking reek of pure evil and destroyed his mind. we all witnessed it happen over the years. i didn't know him very well as a kid but i know he looked up to me at that impressionable age and thought me using drugs was cool, liked this exciting life/story i sold him on (which was justification in my own head that what i was doing was acceptable), and he wanted to be cool like me. he was young and dumb, i was manipulative and too good a sales man. all i remember is he had a slightly above average intelligence. if you want to bring up the hannah incident think of all the pics of girls you've seen online that were sent in confidence to a guy in hopes that he would not share it with others. does that make them sociopaths? no, that makes him HUMAN. everything extreme he has done, to my recollection, has happened after the drug use began (at an early age). he has only continually increased his intake of drugs, damage to his brain, and blackening of his soul.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 8:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Channel GannoK wrote:
TheIndianGuy wrote:
talix is the only person i never paid back, but the reasons are obvious. everyone else i've done wrong in life i've paid back 10 fold.

You're doing better in my eyes and from what you report about your life, if its truthful. You're right about life being unfair, it's "god's" will apparently to make life as tough as possible for humans, and solely up to humanity to make it better, because free will. However, that doesn't mean you alone don't already have all the power in the world that you need right now to change you and your son's realities, all it requires is a little ingenuity in the small things that add up to making your life one big great thing. start with the small problems first.






Talix believes in Islam.

Islam worships muhammed.

Muhammed claimed to be possessed by a demon.

Do we really have to go any further including Talix's past why he's not this holy man he puts himself on a pedestal to be?

I think the only way Talix will ever get better, is if he puts aside his control and faith, and starts to believe in himself before his religion turns him inside out lmao. He needs to help himself get out of the dark pit that is his mind. I literally say all of this out of love and concern.



‘Anas reported that Gabriel appeared before the Apostle of Allah (Muhammad), while he was playing with some boys. Gabriel took him, laid him down, pierced his heart, and took out a clot of blood. Then he said, “This is the portion of you possessed of a devil.” Next, he washed it in a gold cup with water from the well Zamzam. Thereafter sewed him up and took him back to where he found him…’ (Attended by Muslim. Al-Hadis, Volume 4 page 367)

Muhammad himself admitted that he was possessed by Satan at one time:
‘Have you, then, seen Al-Lat and Al-Uzza?
And Manat, the third one, the other?
These are exalted females (sublime ones),
Mounting nearer and nearer to Allah
And truly their intercession may be expected.
( Al-Qur’an, Sura 53 verse19-20, and the Satanic verses in bold letters)

The Satanic verses were present in the original version of the Qur’an when Muhammad was trying to woo the Meccans who believed in many gods including the pagan idols Al-Lat, Al-Uzza and Manat.

Later on, when he was in a more commanding position, he conveniently edited out these embarrassing verses, admitting that they were inspired in him by Satan.
“We have not sent a messenger or prophet before you but when he recited, the Devil would intrude into his recitation. (Al-Qur’an. Sura 22 verse 53)
Muhammad admitted that he had a Jinn (demon) up his nose.
(Al-Hadis. Volume 4, Book 54, No.516)
Muhammed said that bad dreams are from Satan.
(Al-Hadis. Volume 4, Book 54, No. 513)
Muhammad had his own resident demon, the one-eyed Dajjal.
(Al-Hadis. Volume 3, page 803)


fabricate more lies, you have no idea what you are talking about.

ex. Muhammad peace be upon him's qarin, resident "demon" that EVERYONE HAS is not the anti-christ ad-dajjal, it was the only qarin to accept islam.

let's disprove you even further since you quoted out of context.


So have you considered al-Lat and al-'Uzza?
And Manat, the third - the other one?
Is the male for you and for Him the female?
That, then, is an unjust division.
They are not but [mere] names you have named them - you and your forefathers - for which Allah has sent down no authority. They follow not except assumption and what [their] souls desire, and there has already come to them from their Lord guidance.
( Al-Qur’an, Sura 53 verse19-21)

again, if you're going to make claims, dont lie just because you can't substantiate them. not only that, but islam does not worship Muhammad, peace be upon him. lol, way to flaunt your ignorance. your statement, "God tries us to make us better" comes almost verbatim from qur'an.

the first hadith you quoted happened in his youth.

>Later on, when he was in a more commanding position, he conveniently edited out these embarrassing verses, admitting that they were inspired in him by Satan.
“We have not sent a messenger or prophet before you but when he recited, the Devil would intrude into his recitation. (Al-Qur’an. Sura 22 verse 53)

nowhere does it say the devil has intruded into the recitation of qur'an, but only the messengers before Muhammad peace be upon him. you lack reading comprehension.

and dustin, literally all of what you said of me was bullshit. l0l


also, i forgave you for stealing from me. but you didn't steal for me for "good reason", that is bullshit. you were on a heroin and meth binge and out of control, you dont even remember the circumstances lol, you're one to talk about a brain damaged mind when you shoot up constantly.



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