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killmanx27 · Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:48 pm Post subject: Funny Jokes

Hey guys i found some good funny jokes on the interenet post ur jokes below

Blondie Paint Job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Glad to be drunk
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

did you hear about the blondie?

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Yo Mama

Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"

Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.

Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!

Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!

Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.

Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!

Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!

Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!

Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.

Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.

Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."

Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"

Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Yo mamma's so fat, when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.

those are some of jokes i found..i heard lots but forgot many

The Fish · Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:50 pm Post subject:

tl;dr

Nirojan · Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:56 pm Post subject:

womens rights

The Fish · Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:58 pm Post subject:

Saya · Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:00 pm Post subject:

ThatGuyAgain · Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:58 am Post subject:

Dacnomania · Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:47 am Post subject:

How do you kill 100 fleas at once ?

Hit a black with a shovel xD

billcowher57 · How do I cheat? Reputation: 0 Joined: 14 Jun 2013 Posts: 0

Amazing collection and too funny....no one can ignore it....!