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TheIndianGuy
Advanced Cheater
Reputation: 101
Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 88

PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 5:38 am    Post subject: life is hard...

this past 6 weeks have been the hardest of my entire life. my ex girlfriend of 5 years who i share an 18 month old son threw away a beautiful relationship and 3 years of sobriety by cheating on me and using heroin and meth with this guy for a few months before finally kicking me out and moving him in. she still won't admit it and claims she's sober. on thursday she ran away with her new boyfriend essentially abandoning our son with her mother saying she does not want to raise him and rather use drugs after 3 years of sobriety. when she was sober she was the greatest mother and girlfriend a guy could ask for.

now her mind has been so warped by the drugs that she's choosing to destroy it and it makes absolutely no sense. i care about her so much and it's so hard to see her go through this. i wouldn't take her back after what she's done to me but i just hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to raise her son. he didn't do anything to deserve this. life is so unfair.

it was so heart breaking going over there. everyone was sad about the situation, we bbq'd burgers, corn on the cob, and made baked potatos. then my ex's aunt came over with her 10 year old son with her 10 year old son who loves me and looks up to me. he gave me a huge hug and asked me "why did x have to leave?" and you could hear the pain and sadness in his voice. it fucking killed me. lit off some really good fireworks. i got to bathe my son, take him out front to watch the fireworks (which he loved!), put him in his pajamas and put him to bed. he fell asleep on the bed cuddling up to me and would not let me leave his side the whole day. it was both beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.

i've been homeless the past 6 weeks since she kicked me out and moved him in. she wouldn't allow me to see my son, when i did her boyfriend would try to start physical fights with me. i got a job right when she kicked me out so i spent a month working at his family gear and broach shop while sleeping outside to save up for a months rent which i did and gave to my mom for safe keeping. now i'm just trying to find a place to move into. and have been working odd jobs here and there to make extra money to keep building on what i currently have until i get a stable job.

this is the first time in my life that i've felt this hurt and not wanted to use heroin or meth over it. i don't want to get back together with her after what she did to me, but hope she comes to her senses and comes back home to be with her son.

ive been so stressed out over all this i had a psychotic break and was 51-50'd and am now on anti-psychotics and am feeling more normal than i've felt in the last 7-8 years. i feel this past 7-8 years i've been walking on this tightrope that is sanity and as the years progressed and it became harder and harder to balance. in the hospital i thought some nurses and horns and were trying to poison me with the medication so i would pretend to take theirs and the nurses with the halos i felt safe taking their meds. they got me on the right anti-psychotic and it's helping tremendously but with all this stress and worry i haven't been able to get more than 3-4 hours of sleep a night and can hardly eat.

i feel i came so close to crossing that border of insanity that once you cross you get so lost mentally you never find your way back and it was honestly the most scary experience of my life. i'm in so much pain right now but mentally doing so much better with the anti-psychotics. i just don't understand why this had to happen...

once i am stable again and in a position to raise my son i will take him and give him the life he deserves. i just wish it didn't happen this way. i can barely handle the pain, but this is the first time i've not wanted o use meth or heroin over it to numb myself. instead i'm taking action and doing everything in my power to get my life back on track and be the best father i can be.
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Mania Guy
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ReviewPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:16 am

Respect. Best of luck my dude.
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